White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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