bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
