I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
