I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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