At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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