You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im holly from the hills drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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