You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
