He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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