The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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