have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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