fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
