drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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