she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
