He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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