Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
