if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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