No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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