When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
