No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
