I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are these your boobs on my camera?
PANTIES FOUND
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