So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
