The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
