You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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