As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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