I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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