i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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