chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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