My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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