I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
