Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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