Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
