he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
