Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
