More tranny stories later!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
