put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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