I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
