but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
