I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
