Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
