I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
