I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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