Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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