also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
