The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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