He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
