There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
