Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
