and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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