the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
