How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
