Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
